Thursday, May 08, 2008

Full Circle

somebody told me once how life is funny: it is precisely when you're moving a quantum leap forward that your past comes back to haunt you, if not to pull you back or pull you down.

well, he didn't exactly say it in those words (they're more mine than his); he wasn't that articulate. : ) but this was the gist.

i've been remembering this lately when people i've long forgotten have been one by one seemingly coming out of the woodwork of my life to contact me and just to say hi, how was i?

most are not really people who were in the mainstream of my life to begin with, so it was easy to forget them in the first place. but, after one contacted me soon after the other, all five of them so far in just one week-- a woman from an IP (indigenous peoples) community i had befriended a couple of years back when i had my class in popular culture visit and interview them; the husband of the husband-and-wife team who were one of our first booth visitors at a Hong Kong trade fair we joined in 2006, and who gave us free tickets to Hong Kong Disneyland; an old high school classmate who emailed me out of the blue (i last talked to her at her wedding, right after high school graduation!) and another old high school classmate who was a Pisces, like me, and who was close before, but whom I also felt sorry for for drowning in Piscean waters instead of swimming like a survivor and a champion....-- i started wondering what the Universe's message was for me in all these.

(by the way, the fifth person is the ex.

some days ago, he surprised me by coming to my home with the kids, and asking if he could sleep over. he just said our son, paolo, asked for him to sleep over, but i soon quickly learned from paolo and the nanny that he had a big fight with his wife. he looked so lost and pained, i felt sorry, so i said yes, he could sleep in the kids' room, while one of the kids slept with me.

the other night, he asked to sleep over again. i said yes, but i also let him know that this cannot go on for long, as he has his own life now, his own wife and his own home.

he has abided with that so far.)

anyway, i have learned that what happens outside only mirrors what is happening to you inside. so, given these "coincidental pattern", i began to wonder if the Universe was trying to tell me something about my "unforgettability" (heehee... well, that was the only thing i could come up with!).

but again, i wondered what the lesson was for me in that, realizing my unforgettability. (so what?)

and then i get this in my DailyOm newsletter today--

A New Level Of Mastery: Coming Full Circle

Life is a circular journey through our issues and processes, and this is why things that are technically new often seem very familiar. It is also why, whenever we work to release a habit, change a pattern, or overcome a fear, we often encounter that issue one last time, even after we thought we had conquered it. Often, when this happens, we feel defeated or frustrated that after all our hard work we are still dealing with the same problem. However, the reappearance of a pattern, habit, or fear, is often a sign that we have come full circle, and that if we can maintain our resolve through one last test, we will achieve a new level of mastery in our lives.

When we come full circle, there is often the feeling that we have arrived in a familiar place, but that we ourselves are somehow different. We know that we can handle challenges that seemed insurmountable when we began our journey, and there is the feeling that we might be ready to take on a new problem, or some new aspect of the old problem. We feel empowered and courageous to have taken on the challenge of stopping a pattern, releasing a habit, or overcoming a fear, and to have succeeded. At times like these, we deserve a moment of rest and self-congratulation before we move on to the next challenge.

Coming full circle is like stepping into a clearing where, for a moment, we can see where we came from and where we are standing at the same time. Remembering that we will be tested again is important, but it’s also important to pause and take a look at the ground we’ve covered, honoring our courage, our persistence, and our achievement. Then we can begin the next leg of our circular journey with a fuller understanding of where we are coming from.

by the way, too, that somebody who told me that observation about the past coming back at precisely the time when you're leaping forward? (he told me that when he wondered why all his past girl friends had suddenly come a-calling just when we were already together)--

he was the ex.

full circle, huh?

and so, i must be moving forward now in leaps and bounds: going back to the same terrain (like a review and a re-test), but with a different me. : )