Saturday, May 12, 2007

M

he is scared, although he adamantly denies it. i can smell his fear through his words alone.

on the one hand, he tells me how he loves me and how he wants it to work so much. in the next breath, in case it doesn't work, he already talks of still working his ass off for his father's company, to secure a future for himself and "someone else" who will eventually come along. then, in the next breath, he talks about how i already have the qualities he, and everyone he knows agrees, needs and is anyone's dream. then, he shares how anyone too, would tell him that he can actually have the pick of any young lady with no kids... but then, he loves kids. yet, he also needs chemistry .... (as if he's already convinced himself we won't have chemistry!!!)

if i didn't know any better and if i didn't know him any better, i'd be definitely insulted.

but i just shake my head now, and smile. poor, sweet, darling man. all the aggravations i also put him through. having his own dad invest in his dream, here, just to be closer to me, and to have something to show to me he can be proud of.

***

i guess what makes me different from most people is, as a change/crisis looms, as long as i am mentally prepared for it (well, actually, even if i'm not), i get eeriely calm, like how it is in the eye of the storm. i muster up all my resources within me and i get really steely calm and cool. and even deathly quiet, unless i really have to speak up.

and this throws him off even more.

why am i not even worried about chemistry?

well, i know my magnetism (of course, i didn't tell him that). : ) and i trust in his.

because i know my heart and my gut well. (that's what i told him, of course. )

so, Love, here we come!

God bless and keep us both; help us get through this ordeal happily and successfully!!!
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