Sunday, June 04, 2006

soul call

it's "intentional disarray" time again. like a juggler suddenly deciding to stop juggling, all her multi-colored balls up in midair, suspended in time, or letting them fall where they may, i am going inside for soul call time again.

synchronistically enough, my body follows (or leads?). i woke up today feeling groggy, feverish and fluish, but not in such a bad way that i couldn't enjoy staying in bed the whole morning, after i've done my early morning wet market errands, with the a/c on, and just sleeping the whole morning away.

im supposed to have still another list of To Dos set for today, but when it's soul call time, im letting everything hang, and just go inside my shell, dig deep into my foxhole, and nourish my self, and nurture my self again, in ways ive long since missed, but always in ways i go back to to sustain me.

i had disturbing dreams and dreamlets--- of getting angry at my class (when i haven't really gotten angry in front of my class in my whole 9-year teaching career), and paying a government employee P500 for some documents i was processing with their office, and having the employee deny having received what i paid her later in the day... -- so i woke up further feeling disoriented and groggy and in a gray mood.

eating our favorite steamed crabs for lunch was a pick-me-upper, though, as well as a long-missed mashed squash in coconut milk dish.

i went back to bed after lunch, cocooning my self in a favorite blanket, and picking up where i left off in my readings the night before.

since last night, i started three books all at once-- Christopher Howard's Turning Passions Into Profits, Thomas J. Stanley's The Millionaire Mind, and Ben Yagoda's The Sound on the Page: Style and Voice in Writing.

i guess im suddenly hungry for likeminded company again, after the recent smallminded events of the last few days...

when the soul calls like this, even unfinished To Dos can't get to me, for a change. : ) once i've made the decision to completely stop all my usual work-related activities and projects and meetings and concerns, it's no trouble at all pushing all the remaining To Dos to the back of my mind for a while, no ifs no buts no what ifs even, and just doggedly pursue soul food and nourishing time, this time.

it's furniture-rearranging time again, and--unlike the long-ago days of resisting it-- im now fully and willingly allowing it, participating in the mystic dance in the dark again, knowing and trusting that when i come out, the new furniture arrangement can only be better and whole-r, like it always has been, like it always will be.
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