Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Brewing

i truly do not want to go back to work yet. i am not ready for the topside world yet. this, despite a long weekend of having an additional free day off on friday last week for a spiritual recollection, and another free day off yesterday because of the transport strike.

i know it defies logic and i am being belligerent and i should really be at work later today. but i don't want to...

well, for one there are the papers i have to correct, which until this hour, still makes my mind go blank when i face them. so im not prepared to meet my students yet.

for another, i feel, deep inside, that im not done with my inner work yet, my little transformations that happen every time i go inside my self, look deep, look at my darkness and shine loving light on them, lick my self cleaner, heal my wounds, brew my magic...

it is 230am and i just woke up from some little dreams that left me feeling bothered, too--

i dreamt that i told somebody i don't intend to continue teaching for long; that i'd rather stay at home and work and earn from my freelance writing projects instead;

i dreamt too, that i was in Boracay with my son. Boracay had greatly changed for the worse--more stalls, more girlie bars and massage parlors... and when it came time to go, i couldn't find my car. my son and i kept looking everywhere and back again but i couldn't find my car! how would we get home?

then there was a middle-aged man, somebody known and respected in our community, who was talking to me and some other people, about how these marriage enrichment seminars have become like a wave sweeping people on, how almost all couples in their place now are scheduled for a seminar in the coming days... and i was thinking, "yeah, more brainwashing!"

*****

this witch is not coming out of her cave for more magic yet. potions are only half-brewed.
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